1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
