Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
