My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize