Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
