do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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