There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
