You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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