The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
