That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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