Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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