I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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