Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
