I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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