Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
