is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
