I wish I could teleport
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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