I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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