somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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