he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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