remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
