So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How's work?
Spinning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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