Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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