So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Rumble strips road head = magical
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
