So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
