honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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