I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize