Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
