just survived the first fart of the relationship.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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