Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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