it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
