I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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