Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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