If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
