I CAN MOONWALK!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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