so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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