Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
