I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
