it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
