Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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