Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
