Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
