No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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