He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
