I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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