so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
