Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
