Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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