You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
