He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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