We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
