I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
