that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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