why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
