yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
