Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
