there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
