He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize