just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
