he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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