C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
