If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
