Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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