had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
