There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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