matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's like iHOP with fire
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
