Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
