I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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