Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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