I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
