Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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