i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
