My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
