im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
