I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
