google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
